“Men. The bastards.”

by Milan Botica | Oct 8, 2016 | Emails

Why do men pull away?

I break from standard belief on this, so I’d love to hear how much your experience jives (reply back and share)…

Before I dive in, let’s acknowledge that this topic is touchy.

In my Facebook group and elsewhere, I’ve seen comments about men like:

“They all lie.”

“I’ve been hurt and cheated on and played with a lot.”

“They say they want a relationship, but they just want sex.”

Ouch.

Yeah, there are guys that pathologically lie. Sad but true. And they give the rest of us a bad name.

Some of the guys who lie don’t care about women. Some even secretly despise women.

Maybe their moms were cruel and they’re unconsciously getting their revenge. Who knows.

Yet others are (ironically) lying because they *do* care and don’t want to hurt your feelings.

That’s sometimes why men say they’ll call and then don’t. They think it’s the polite thing to do.

Either way, habitually lying is no bueno in my book.

But what if a seemingly good guy suddenly pulls away?

Common wisdom says “He outed himself. He’s really just another jerk who seemed good for awhile. Forget him and move along.”

Maybe. If he’s really one of those liars we just talked about.

But most guys pull away for a completely different reason.

It’s just how we men process. We retreat to think about what’s happened and what to do next.

In other words, we’ve left the cave, yet the cave hasn’t left us in some ways.

In that same vein, a guy may pull away if he feels like he can’t make you happy.

Men want to feel capable of taking good care of you (even if you don’t need us to), which includes making you happy.

Once you get this, you don’t need to freak out when a guy pulls away.

Because you can ask him how much time / space he needs.

If he’s a good communicator (a great trait for Mr. Right to have), he’ll give you some idea.

That’s where you can dial the Connection down for awhile instead of switching it off completely.

So what’s been your experience?

Reply and let me know. I promise to reply back.

To sharing your life with The One,

Milan

Brangelina, Bennifer and You

by Milan Botica | Oct 6, 2016 | Emails

Have you heard the sad news about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

Even if you have, you haven’t heard the real inside story.

The speculation is rampant why Angie stormed away with the kids after 12 years.

The tabloids say Angelina got tired of Brad’s drunken tirades, weed abuse and escapades with Russian hookers.

Uh yeah… I’m not going there. I have no idea what’s true and what’s not.

Just like I have no idea what happened to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (“Bennifer”).

Or Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner (“Bennifer v2”?).

BUT I do know that tall tales sprout pretty fast when a breakup happens, even when the couple isn’t high-profile.

You know what else? The inside reality is usually a lot less spin-worthy.

Think of pebbles of pettiness and pissed-off-ness being thrown on a heap.

Day after day.

Week after week.

Month after month.

Year after year.

One days, years down the road, a couple more pebbles drop onto the heap, and WHOOOOM.

Avalanche.

Pebbles and boulders go cascading all over the place, and the relationship is over.

What caused the relationship to fail? The last couple of pebbles, or the whole heap?

The whole heap, of course. Yet people tend to point to the last couple of pebbles.

That’s why it’s funny how many dating coaches these days are teaching tactics like “what to text him to drive him wild.”

That stuff has its place. Don’t get me wrong.

It just misses the much bigger picture of what so many women long for…

Love to last a lifetime with a partner they can grow with.

So I’ve studied what truly keeps romantic relationships healthy over decades.

Why not model the success you want, right?

I had ample incentive! I was desperate to discover the truth when my two previous marriages didn’t work out.

Each relationship was about a decade, so my world crumbled both times. Just in different ways.

That pain eventually tuned me into what I call the 4 Core Sacred Soulmate Signals:

1. Connection
2. Compatibility
3. Chemistry
4. Communication

I won’t go in depth on these here, except to say…

Feel out the Connection first and nurture it.

Make sure you’ve got enough Compatibility (your must-haves and deal-breakers) to build a relationship on.

*Only* then, explode the Chemistry to get your relationship sizzling.

And consider Communication essential to everything listed before it. It’s like the glue that makes them work.

Or the acid that dissolves your romantic bond if you don’t communicate enough or in the right ways.

Which definitely happened for me before.

Thankfully, the Sacred Soulmate Signals are how my sweet soulmate, Nesit, and I stay like honeymooners even after 8 years. This stuff plain works.

Bottom line:

If you find a guy who’s got the right stuff when you’re dating, he’s much more likely to make a good partner for the long haul.

With that in mind, which of the 4 Core Sacred Soulmate Signals was weakest in your previous relationship?

Reply and share to help me know you better. I promise to reply back.

To sharing your life with The One,

Milan

Tommy Mapother’s Surprising Path to Passion (Hint: You Know This Guy)

by Milan Botica | Oct 4, 2016 | Emails

Tommy Mapother was a scrawny 5’7″ kid.

He was a below-average wrestler at Glen Ridge High School in Glen Ridge, New Jersey, who desperately wanted to play football.

So little Tommy came to ask his mom before sophomore year.

Her answer was immediate. “No.”

She was terrified he’d get badly injured.

The same scene played out a year later, before junior year.

Again, Mom’s answer was the same. “No, Tommy.”

So Tommy worked hard to become a better wrestler, since he at least enjoyed that.

And he did. Coach Corbo (his wrestling coach) even had high hopes for him going into his senior year.

But Tommy still came to plead with his mom one final time to go out for the football team. You can imagine how that went…

“Mom, it’s senior year. It’s my last chance to play football. You gotta let me at least try out!”

I don’t know what he said exactly, but I do know that he touched somewhere deep inside his mom.

She relented and let him go out for the team.

Guess what?

He made the team!

Unfortunately, Tommy got kicked off the team for drinking a beer before the game. He wasn’t the only one, but he was the only one who got caught.

And when we went to train for wrestling again, he tore a ligament in his ankle running down the stairs.

Tommy was devastated.

No more wrestling or football.

In senior year!

What to do??

After huge hesitation, he auditioned for the lead part in Guys and Dolls. That took a lot of nudging from friends, since he had little confidence in his singing or acting skills.

There was another gal in the play who was serious about acting, so her mom called in a New York talent agent to see her perform.

The agent thought she was okay. Yet she lacked the luster he looked for.

But he saw that special sparkle in Tommy.

The agent spoke with him after the show and said he should come study in New York.

Just three years later, little Tommy debuted in his first movie, with a famous scene dancing in his underwear.

Except Tommy didn’t go by his last name any more. “Mapother” just isn’t a cool movie name.

So he used his middle name: Cruise. And Tom Cruise’s passionate love story with movies was born.

Which goes to show, you can have horribly painful setbacks, while life is leading you all the while to your destiny.

All the pain you’ve been through has been for a purpose. Your Mr. Right is still out there.

Now reply back and share… What hurt is making it hard to share your heart again?

To sharing your life with The One,

Milan

Starbucks’ Smiley System to “Hire” Your Mr. Right

by Milan Botica | Oct 1, 2016 | Emails

Starbucks wants their employees to smile. A LOT.

So how do they get thousands of employees to do that?

Before I share what Starbucks’ CEO, Howard Schultz, said, imagine how hard it’d be to train someone to smile often.

You’d have to remind them over and over.

You’d drive them crazy and yourself.

Everyone around you would also lock up from the tension in the air.

That’s why Starbucks doesn’t do that.

Instead, Shultz said, “It’s easy. We just hire people who smile all the time.”

Duh, right? So simple!

Yet so many women make this training vs. hiring mistake with men. They think they’ve got to train their guy to be like they want him to be.

No, you don’t.

If you want a guy to go on lots of trips with, find a guy who already loves to travel.

If you want a guy to make meals with, find a guy who already loves to cook.

If you want a guy to watch a couple of movies per week with, find a guy who’s already a movie buff.

Be happy with him as he is, and simply be his inspiration to improve. (A topic for another time.)

For now, reply and tell me, what’s a must-have trait for your Mr. Right?

It’s always interesting to hear the variety of answers, and I promise to reply back.

To sharing your life with The One,

Milan