Why Dating is NOT the Best Way to Attract Mr. Right

By Milan Botica / January 12, 2017
Milan and Nesit

We met at a workshop I was teaching in 2008. Still together. Still feels like a honeymoon.

How come you run across the same old moldy chestnuts over and over when you think about finding your dream guy?…

“Don’t worry. There are still good men out there.”

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

“You’ll find someone special. You just have to keep looking.”

While it may be comforting to have friends share these soothing words, they don’t do much more than help you sleep better for the night, right? (If they even do that.)

Because you know deep down what they’re really saying:

“Hope. Pray. And date. A lot. Then date some more.”

Why Most Women Are So Hesitant to Date These Days

Woman at work

For starters, you’re BUSY. You work for your own living and have a life outside of work.

So you don’t need a man to take care of you. You just want a man to be your loving life partner (whatever that looks like for you).

Yet what does dating involve these days?

Online dating is often top of mind.

Which starts with somehow writing a witty-yet-insightful profile to put on OkCupid, Match.com, or whichever other dating sites and apps you like.

And taking great photos to get noticed — in the right way. 🙂

Then you get all the messages from men, who sometimes make you wonder why you even bothered.

If you’re actively looking offline, what does going out usually entail?

Getting your nails done? Highlighting your hair? Find the perfect shoes for that new dress that flatters your figure?

It’s just so much WORK.

Small wonder that a Pew Research Study found that only 16% of singles were actively looking for dating partners. (That study is a decade old now, but this dynamic feels like it hasn’t died.)

Yet, don’t get me wrong… I’m not at all against dating. I’m simply for dating in your flow vs. by force.

Huh? How?

Well, to start with, there’s something FAR more important to do before dating

Get This Wrong, and a Million Dates May Not Help You

Boys playing

Are boys and girls different?

I mean, more than physically?

You bet. Boys run around chasing each other and yelling.

Girls tend to huddle together and bond.

I’m only speaking generally, but are you with me so far?

Good.

Boys don’t keep chasing each other around yelling as adults (well, they do in pro sports), but they use that masculine energy in other similar ways.

And you know how most women still love to bond and build community, yes?

Those differences flow out every day in how men and women use language.

I asked this as a trivia question to my email list recently and nobody got it 100% right. See if you can…

“Women primarily use language to ________, whereas men primarily use language to ________.”

Take a moment to guess.

Here’s the answer:

“Women primarily use language to connect, whereas men primarily use language to solve problems.”

It’s like the Brits say about the Americans: “We’re divided by a common language.”

Except this is worse, because…

Men and Women Are Divided by EVERY Language 24 / 7 — and Hardly Anyone Even Realizes It!

Men are confounded by how much women say. And women get suspicious over how little men say.

For example, let’s say a woman mentions the rainy weather to another woman. She’s connecting, which also lets her bridge into other topics to connect more.

She can now mention why she wore her favorite snug sweater.

Or why she got the bigger cup of hot Arabica coffee at Starbucks this morning.

And how tough it’ll be to get to her evening yoga class after work.

Assuming no ego involved, each of those mentions is an opportunity to connect even more deeply.

Contrast that with a man mentioning the rain to another man.

“Yep, better bring an umbrella.”

Conversation over!

Yes, the conversation might continue, but my point is that men think and talk in problems and solutions.

That’s why we don’t feel the need to say much. We just say what we’re thinking as directly as we know how.

Men’s Signals Go Far Beyond Language Differences


Want men say in various situations is a big subject on its own, right?

Now, add in the body language and tonality a man projects.

Then you’ve got his behavioral patterns before, during and after the communication.

No wonder women can get so confused about what men really mean!

Misreading and misinterpreting men’s signals only gets worse when you start dating. It’s like jumping into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim (please forgive the mixed metaphor).

“Is he interested?”

“I was sure he was interested… but why did he lose interest?”

“Am I wasting time waiting for him to call?”

Have any of these thoughts ever run wild through your mind?

Of course, you might also be wondering:

Is there really any way to decode men anyway? Yes, and it’s easier than you think. But don’t take my word for it…

Real-Life Proof: My First Client Went from Zero Dates to Attracting Her Mr. Right in 4 Months

If you’re a regular here, you’ve probably heard me share about her success. If not, here’s her story again…

When Brittany (not her real name) came to me, she was desperate.

In her mid 30’s, she was successful in her career, owned her own home and was independent. Life was good in many ways.

Yet, like many women do, she dreamed of finding the right guy, getting married and having kids. She wanted her lonely house to become a home.

Aye, there was the rub.

Brittany had only been on a handful of dates in her life and had two fleeting relationships.

Nothing even close to “forever”-type soulmate connection or “the spark” reigniting in her heart when she awoke every morning.

As she strained through sharing her history with men, the all-too-common truths emerged:

1.) She didn’t know exactly what she wanted, let alone how to get it.

2.) She’d been missing and misreading men’s signals all along.

The tell-tale result?

A heart bleeding from the daggers of grief, regret and resentment cutting into her with every recalled memory.

Fast forward four months after she started working with me…

She went out to eat and there was her Mr. Right!

A few months later, they tied the knot and she beamed about her bun in the oven.

But what if you’re not in quite the hurry Brittany was?

Take My New Self-Insight Quiz to Gauge How Much You’re Missing or Misreading Men’s Signals Like Brittany Was (No Dating Required)

Since Brittany wanted Mr. Right ASAP (and she wasn’t getting much interaction with men from her normal routine), we had her going out about once a week to practice.

Because the more you can read men’s signals, the less fear you feel and the stronger your Mr. Right attraction signal gets from trusting the process. That’s just the Law of Attraction in action.

That’s why I offer a FREE short “How Strong is Your Mr. Right Attraction Signal?” Quiz, to give you some insight into your hidden fears. They’re a big part of what’s repelling your Mr. Right.

Once you’re aware of your various fears you have with men, simply practice reading men’s signals (I show you how after the quiz) with any men in your life, including:

  • Your dad
  • Your brother(s)
  • Your coworkers
  • Your friends

Simpler than forcing yourself back into nail-biting dating, right?

As a spiritually-minded gal, you already know that laser-targeted awareness is the first step to change. Makes sense, yes?

Again, that’s why I’m offering you my “How Strong is Your Mr. Right Attraction Signal?” quiz. It only takes a couple of minutes and it’s totally free. Is that worth the small time investment to attract Mr. Right?

You have free will, so your choice. Choose wisely.

If You're DONE With Mr. Wrongs Wasting ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME, This Quiz Is for YOU:

Take my FREE short "How Strong Is your Mr. Right Attraction Signal?" quiz to discover how much hidden fears are blocking the Law of Attraction from crossing your path with your Mr. Right...

Woman in Crosswalk

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About the author

Milan Botica

4 weddings, 3 wives, 2 divorces, and 1 son… Yes, Milan Botica had a fourth wedding, just to renew vows with his current wife. They met back in 2008 and still hold hands and write each other love notes to this day. After sharing his story with a woman friend, she shared her decades-long struggle to find Mr. Right. It was painfully clear how she misread many men's signals. But she met her dream man only 4 months after Milan started coaching her! Inspired, Milan has since helped hundreds of women in the U.S., Australia, and Europe see and feel results with men faster than they ever thought possible. He’s on a mission to help 1 million women by January 21, 2021.